FOCUS ON HAITIAN SINGLE FATHERS

Even as a patriarchal society, Haitian society is not always sympathetic to the plight of men.  As with some women, many men face difficult emotional and family situations. For example, Haitian people rarely talk about the single fathers. As a matter of fact, it’s hard to imagine how many men raise their children alone. This irregular status is not easy to assume for a man, since child-rearing is generally a natural affair for women. Paternal celibacy can have many causes.  Whether due to divorce, the death of the children’s mother, or personal choice, raising one or more children without the presence of their mother is a legendary responsibility for a man. 

Thus, Marlon is a young Haitian single father, a native of Cap-Haitian which currently lives in South Florida, he is raising by himself two beautiful daughters. He’s a hard-working, loving and responsible father.  Today, while the HAPPINESS COMMUNICATION team is focusing on the situation of Haitian single fathers who are forgotten by society, Marlon makes himself available for an open interview in order to edify the readers on the real situation of a single father. He is going to share with us his daily challenges, his joys, his sorrows and their satisfactions. 

1- Hello Marlon, how are you?

Marlon: Hi Rachel, I’m doing very well and it’s an honor to answer HAPPINESS COMMUNICATION’s invitation.

2- Could you please introduce yourself to the readers of the HAPPINESS COMMUNICATION team?

Marlon: I’m Marlon ULYSSE, divorced, father of two (2) beautiful little girls. I love life, reading, movies, going out with friends and/or family, very attached to moral values, super positive and active, open and cool.  I am certified as a “Food Protection Manager” by ServSafe National Restauration Association. I’m currently working in this field, but I also have a degree in Computer Science and a Master 1 in Software Engineering.

3- On the occasion of Father’s Day, the HAPPINESS COMMUNICATION team has a special thought for single Haitian fathers. Can you tell us how you became a single father?

Marlon: Oufff! How did I become a single father? It’s a long story, but I’ll keep it short. As I mentioned above, it was following my divorce and my move to the U.S, and that’s when I got full custody of my daughters, who aren’t yet “teenagers” as the Americans say.

4- With what emotions do you raise your two daughters?

Marlon: Sincerely, I can say with great joy, enthusiasm and pride. The task isn’t as easy at all, especially since they’re girls, but with the communication and trust we build up and the tasks become more or less acceptable. I feel proud for the compliments I receive every day from other people, and the academic performance they give me. One of them was among the winners of the “Anthology of Poetry by Young Americans” an essay competition, and the other has just won a medal in chess.

5- What are the greatest challenges you face in raising your two daughters?

Marlon: The first was to comb their hair when I came to live here. I didn’t have anyone and the idea of cutting or having them dread went through my head, I even used to twist their hair.  But in the end, I found someone who did it once or twice a month depending on the model, and I pay her.  Then, when I had my promotion at work, my schedule was changed, and one of my daughters was changing schools because she had to go to middle school. I’d have to start work at 6 am, take a break to pick them up from home and take them to school, because I don’t like public transport (school bus) as most of our conversations take place on the way to and from school, then in the evening pick them up again as they’re still on the after-school program. Then there’s food, homework and so on. Sometimes everyone wanted something different for lunch, and we had to come to an agreement to satisfy everyone. We even have the habit of drawing at random to make a choice. (Laughs)

6- In Haiti, single mothers are never really alone in raising a child. Most of the time, there’s always a grandmother, an aunt, the child’s godmother, or even a neighbor to help out. But as for single fathers, no one cares? Do you find help in your entourage with your daughters, especially as you’re in a foreign country where everyone is busy?

Marlon: God has been gracious to me and I consider myself a super blessed person. Coming to live in the United States, I found my 3 brothers and 3 sisters in backup to help me morally overcome the various obstacles, and facilitate the integration of my daughters, even if we live in different cities or States, that doesn’t prevent them to get my back. So my daughters have their aunties and cousins to discuss certain things, there’s one of my little sisters who’s a Math Teacher who’s very close to them. Then I have a lot of good friends to help me open certain doors. I can’t forget my parents who are always there for me and the girls.

7- What gives you confidence in raising your children alone?  In other words, what satisfactions are you really proud of?  What have you always protected your daughters from the most?

Marlon: Watching them grow up with confidence, the feedback from Teachers and Leaders of the various schools and socio-cultural groups where my daughters take part.  I protect my children from the technology that doesn’t always benefit children.

8- Do you want a mother for your children? If so, what are the most important criteria you need in a woman to help you raise your two children?

Marlon: That’s one of my goals, because there are things that only a mother can teach a child properly. However, I want my daughters to be in constant contact with their mother. As far as criteria are concerned, I’m not too demanding. I want someone who believes in moral and biblical values, who loves children and who prioritizes understanding and dialogue before love.

9- How do you plan to deal with teenage crises, given that this is a delicate period for all parents?

Marlon: It’s my biggest fear to be honest, and I don’t have a blueprint in my head yet, but I know that when the day comes I’ll get through it.

10- Now, we know that parenthood is always difficult, even more so for those who are single. Once they’ve become parents, people normally forget themselves to take care of their offspring, neglecting their personal well-being if only for a little while. How do you manage to let go? I mean to take special care of yourself?

Marlon: It’s never easy for a parent to let go, especially when you’re overprotective, single and lonely. But I sometimes manage to have time for myself, to see life. Sometimes this is done on a negotiation basis with the girls, promising them a walk or something in return to avoid any disturbance during my personal hours.

11- Is there an association here for single fathers where they can find some kind of help?

Marlon: If there is, I have no idea.

12- What advice would you give to men generally speaking and to the silent single fathers?

Marlon: To men generally speaking, I’d say do everything you can to create a stable environment for your children, so that they grow up in love and respect. Your offspring must be your best partners in everything. Dialogue and understanding are the basis of a successful education.

Rachel: Congratulations Marlon for your openness and your courage.  You’re doing a great job and it may inspire other single dads.

Marlon: You’re welcome, Rachel.