BELATED CELEBRATION OF WORLD COMPLIMENT DAY (FOCUSING ON THE IMPORTANCE OF COMPLIMENTS IN OUR LIVES)

All human beings on earth are endowed with emotions. Human emotions are changeable, meaning they can be altered by unexpected or predictable external factors. A sad person can become euphoric with a simple message or kind word addressed to him or her. As a matter of fact, a compliment is a kindness addressed to someone in order to encourage, thank or congratulate him/her. A vague but sincere compliment can change everything. It is capable of generating positive feelings and providing plenty of motivation.  For this reason, every March 1 is dedicated to the worldwide celebration of compliments. That day was created in 2003 by Dutch motivational specialist Hans POORTVIELT. He initiated this day to remind everyone of the importance of complimenting our loved ones. One of the general aims of the Happiness Communication platform is to promote readers’ mental well-being. So, the team believes that it is also necessary to celebrate this day in Haiti. We are delighted to welcome psychologist Delano JEAN, another popularizer of personal well-being, to share with us the psychosocial angle of the compliment. He happily agreed to answer our questions on the subject.

1- Rachel: Hello Psychologist Delano, how are you doing?

Delano: Thank you for this opportunity. I’m doing very well, although at the same time, I’m very worried about the situation in our country, dear Haiti. 

2. Rachel: Could you please introduce yourself to the readers of Happiness Communication?

Delano: I’m Haitian, originally from Cap-Haitien. I did all my classical studies at Collège Christ-Roi, 14 excellent years. That said, I’m a practicing psychologist. I like to introduce myself like that. I have a master’s degree in clinical psychology and another in psychosociology, which has always enabled me to work on mental health issues with individuals, families, groups and institutions.

3. Rachel: As a psychologist and advocate of personal well-being, could you explain to us what a compliment is, please?

Delano: A compliment is an expression of praise, admiration or approval, of thanks to someone for a quality (physical beauty, for example), a skill, a character trait, an action or an aspect of their personality. Most often, we compliment people for their physical qualities, for possessing a nice thing: a nice car, a nice house, nice pants. Sincere compliments can have a positive impact on the emotional well-being and self-esteem of the person receiving them.

4. Rachel: What do you think about the mental utility of a compliment in someone’s life?

Delano: A sincere compliment has a profound impact on a person’s emotional well-being, interpersonal relationships and motivation. Compliments contribute to our mental health and personal fulfillment. But, it would be a serious mistake from me if I don’t specify here that we are talking about sincere compliments, but not about self-interested compliments with the aim of manipulating or with the intention of extracting benefits.

First of all, compliments contribute enormously to the construction of someone’s personality, more simply, someone self-esteem. When a compliment is genuine, it helps to boost a person’s self-confidence. We always need the outside eye after our own to evaluate or yo confirm a representation of ourselves. So the more genuine compliments a person receives from people with whom they have an emotional or other connection, the more appreciated and valued they will feel.

Secondly, compliments strengthen interpersonal relationships. Sincere compliments foster social confidence. We tend to connect more with people who compliment us. So compliments strengthen social bonds, creating a sense of secure connection. Also, in this same context, compliments play a motivating and encouraging role. When a person receives a compliment, whether for a skill, a quality or a character trait, he or she tends to continue in the same vein, or to put in much more effort in order to receive even more compliments. For example, if you want to motivate a student who is underachieving at school, focus more on the few qualities he/she has to encourage him/her to turn his weaknesses into strengths. Eventually, he/she will improve, motivating himself to give his/her best.

Finally, compliments improve mood and reduce stress. When we receive a compliment, we’re invaded by several positive emotions: astonishment, surprise, joy, personal satisfaction, that changes our mood completely. You may even feel a certain security, a sense of personal well-being. The last thing I might mention is the relationship between compliments and resilience. I believe that complimenting someone on their positive traits will certainly strengthen their resilience. In times of acute stress and potentially traumatic events, a compliment that reminds us of a person’s strengths and ability to face challenges can serve as a source of social support, strength and encouragement.

5. Rachel: What are the milestones of compliments, I mean what would prompt someone to compliment another?

Delano: Compliments are generally given to make the other person feel appreciated, valued and encouraged. Compliments are given to others to show gratitude, satisfaction or pride. They can be given verbally, in writing, through plaques of honor, badges, congratulation cards, or even through gestures or actions. It’s important to remember again that we are talking here about genuine, sincere compliments. Why is this important to notice? It is because in manipulative relationships, compliments are also often used to gain access to the person you’re trying to manipulate, and to get them to lower his/her defenses.

6. Rachel: As far as children are concerned, what role do compliments play in their emotional growth?

Delano: If parents could spend the same amount of time complimenting their children as they do correcting or punishing them, it would be far more beneficial for children in intra-family relationships. I believe that parents should not only seek to compliment their children as often as possible, but also without any distinction as to the reasons behind the compliments. For example, a parent may compliment a child’s good school results, but he or she may also compliment a child for being nice to others.

7. Rachel: In Haiti, sincere compliments are rare; on the contrary, criticizing is easy. Is there a psychosocial explanation for this?

Delano: I’ve already observed the damaging effects of the lack of diversified compliments in our society. It’s easier to compliment someone for their beauty, than for a personal success they achieve or at least for a positive trait in their personality or for their good deeds. We often focus on what we consider to be the weaknesses of our loved ones, and this blinds us to the positive things about them. As a result, we have a lot of people who grow up with this lack of appreciation. Also, in our culture, we even entertain the idea that if we compliment someone, for example on their character traits, their strengths, their beauty, it can make them too proud.  Unfortunately, many of these attitudes creep from generation to generation.

Moreover, we have to mention on the one hand that these attitudes are also linked to our history as a black people, a people who have experienced a system of slavery based on the depreciation of “Self” and the valorization of the Other (the Other, the former actors of the slavery system). So the lacks of appreciation have serious consequences for our personalities and interpersonal relationships in general.  I think we need to raise awareness in our communities about the importance of complimenting each other in a genuine and honest way because, as I mentioned, compliments strengthen social bonds, motivate and encourage others. We need to think about educating our Haitian people about the value of complimenting their loved ones and acquaintances in a special, honest way for their personal achievements, however small they may be. For example, you might congratulate someone who has finally bought a small car after having experienced all kinds of transport-related tribulations, or you might compliment a student who has finally defended his dissertation, and so on. But above all, you have to get to know those closest to you and know how to compliment them on their character traits, their ability to cope with life’s difficult moments, their personal abilities. I would say that compliments that are intended to appreciate intrinsic elements in the other person have enormous importance. These kinds of compliments lighten our human relationships.  Social compliments are so important that they can prevent depression and suicide.

8. Rachel: How do you think the wording of a compliment can serve as a source of motivation and enable the person to make additional efforts? Can a compliment also have a destructive effect?

Delano: Under no circumstances can a sincere compliment have a destructive effect?  I don’t think so.  We all like what makes us feel good, what gives us pleasure, what can contribute to our well-being. A compliment can hurt when the person receiving it discovers later that it was a self-serving compliment, but initially they feel good because they don’t yet know that the compliment didn’t come from the heart.

9. Rachel: How do you think Haitians can be taught to compliment rather than criticize?

Delano: In my humble opinion, it’s all a matter of changing the mindset. It’s through education, and the institutionalization of certain behavioral traits. We need to draw people’s attention to the importance of healthy human relations in society. “Bon jan rapò moun ak moun”. I think it’s a culture that needs to be developed through constant education.

10. Rachel: Back to the children! How can parents prevent their children from becoming dependent on compliments?

Delano: For me, it’s the idea behind the compliment that is important. If it’s about compliments helping to build a child’s personality and resilience, it’s difficult to say that the child will depend on them. I think that a person who is dependent on compliments, who’s always expecting them to motivate himself/herself may suffer from a huge lack of self-esteem.

11. Rachel: What are the harms of a lack of compliments in someone? How can a person who lacks encouragement in his life encourage himself?

Delano: That’s a huge question. We can’t say specifically what problems will arise, because it depends on the person in question. But, in general, we observe a better self-esteem, a better ability to face life’s challenges in people who have received a lot of sincere compliments in their lives and subsequently, who have learned to appreciate themselves. It’s not just a question of compliments on a thing, a beautiful dress, on beauty, etc., but compliments on skills, on the way you live. But compliments on skills, character traits, personality traits, good deeds, successes, even compliments for trying something that didn’t work. As for most of us, we haven’t been lucky enough to receive compliments, we haven’t been lucky enough to have people around us who take the time to identify our qualities, appreciate our personal achievements to notify us and encourage us. Unfortunately, an environment of only criticisms creates frustration, diminishes self-confidence and dampens enthusiasm. In a nutshell, from now on, we should try to see more of people’s good side, and even before we reproach them, we can present them with compliments in order to preserve their self-esteem. You know, you can even compliment another person for the joy their presence can bring you. For his availability, his attention. Perhaps the surest way to compensate for our shortcomings is to know who we are, and to take the time to self-assess, self-appreciate and love ourselves for who we are, for who we want to develop. 

12. Rachel: Despite the country’s degrading situation, do you think there are still things to compliment?

Delano: Oh yes, certainly! Some people’s ability to resist. Many people are unable to leave or move from the upheavals. They resist every day, they hope that one day the political problems will stop and life will resume. It really takes courage to do that. We can’t stop praising the resistance and resilience of these citizens.

13. Rachel: Is there anyone special you would like to compliment today through this interview?

Delano: All the members of the Happiness Communication Magazine staff. The name of your magazine says it all. Personally, I think we need to promote happiness, well-being, in other words, do more to popularize “Happiness” in our communities. I’d like to compliment you on this noble initiative.

14. Rachel: As a Mental Health Specialist, what would be your final message about International Compliments Day?

Delano: Make Haitians aware of the importance of learning to compliment each other, make Haitians aware of the importance of improving interpersonal relations, healthy intra-family relations, credible professional relations in our institutions. We should even have workshops to learn how to communicate, to learn how to compliment sincerely and authentically.

15.  Rachel: Many thanks to you Psychologist Delano for this valuable consultation.  The editorial team at Happiness Communication would also like to congratulate you on your availability, because despite your tight schedule, you still made time for the edification of the Haitian people.

Delano: You’re welcome Rachel, it’s a must.